In the spirit of the holiday

Alright its Valentines Day and for the 21st time I still havent found any joy in the holiday.  I'm not a depressive person but today wasn't the best day.  I was once again reminded of how I have never been in love.  It seems crazy when I think of it but I honestly have no clue what it feels like to be in love.  I have already mentioned that I love the girl im dating very much but its not real love.  Its more like unconditional love on steroids.  I know this because so often I miss all the small things, all the little hints that she throws at me.  I would say the closest I have ever been to being in love would be a crush I had on a guy since the first year of highschool.  Even though I haven't seen the guy in a few years I would say I still have a thing for him haha.  (I occasionally still stock his facebook profile)  I have had many crushes on both girls and guys but this was definetley the biggest.  Lets call him Steve.  Steve was one of the most popular kids at school.  A little taller than me, naturally tanned skin, muscular build, dark hair, amazing face, and eyes that make you melt.  He is extremely masculine yet cute.  He's a very outgoing guy who is always the center of attention, very funny also.  The thing that probably got me the most about him was how nice and genuine he was.  Charming to the point where he could probably get away with murder.  Now in highschool I wasn't in the popular click you could say.  I had a great circle of friends and I was defenitely friends with all the popular kids as I played sports with many of them.  The problem is that Im a shy guy until I get to know the people around me and I felt very uncomfortable around the popular kids so I kept my distance.  I still would party with them time to time but would never call one of them up sort of thing.  Anyway, I developed a thing for this guy almost instantly.  I would always catch myself eyeing him up fortunately for me our last names were very similar so whenever seating was arranged alphabetically I would be close to him.  Even though he was a popular kid he still made an effort to interact with me.  Whether it was in the library, classroom or hallway, he would usually say something to me.  I never had the guts to ever start a conversation with him so I would always hope that he would initiate it.  We had a chemistry class togeher and he even asked to be my partner.  I was in heaven, too bad we never had gym together.  I remember one time I went to a party and when he saw me he instantly called me over (we rarely were at the same parties) and acted all excited to see me.  I couldn't believe it, he even wrapped one of his arms around my neck and said "Hey man I can't believe your here! (in an excited tone) Let me grab you a beer! No wait, here just take mine!" And he gave me his beer that he had already started drinking out of.  I have never been so quick to take a swig from a beer bottle.  As lame as that sounds, that was the hottest thing that had happened to me.  He then left to go get another beer and I fell back into reality.  This went on throughout highschool and in our senior year, he even invited me to his graduation pool party (and by invite, I mean pressured me into saying yes).  I chickened out and never ended up going anyway.  Definetely a huge regret.  We have different lives now with different friends so we don't get to cross paths anymore.  I have seen him a few times since and although I was too scared to talk to him and expected him to just ignore me he never did.  I always thought of him as being straight but the more I think about it the more I wonder about the chances of him being just like me?